Friday, November 7, 2008

Bon Voyage

It's late and he's finally asleep. I can't sleep because he's snoring so loud. It was loud earlier this evening as well. I was in the bedroom when I heard,

"OW!" A familiar sound my youngest daughter makes when the drama starts. I got up and walked in the kitchen and stood at the bottom of the stairs.

"That really hurt Nicholas." I could tell her teeth were clenched together when she said this.

"Well then next time don't just walk in here and turn off the TV when I'm watching it!"

"Hey!" I hollered up the stairs. No response, so I climbed the stairs I hate so much and there stood my two younger children glaring at each other.

"Mom, Nicholas just kneed me in the back and back and dumped ice on my head!"

Nicholas turned his body towards me and cocked his head to the side, then said, "Well maybe you want to hear the whole story."

My daughter started in again and I firmly told her to lower her voice. She completely ignored me and kept after her brother.

"Why aren't you doing anything Mom?" Her voice is getting louder and again I asked her to lower the volume.

"You always take Nicholas' side and never listen to me. I'm the one that gets hurt and I get into trouble. I hate this family so much." She stomped off and slammed her bedroom door.

He heard the slam and immediately was in the midst of things.

"You know what that does to me."

"I'm sorry, I'm trying to handle the situation." I explained.

He walked away and I headed for my daughter's room. She was crying hysterically and I struggled to calm her down. She told me her side of the story and then I went and talked with Nicholas to get his side. While I was talking to Nicholas my daughter came in his room and wanted to know why I let him talk to me that way.

"We were just talking, your brother wasn't swearing at me." I was having trouble reasoning with her and I couldn't get her to calm down. She was getting louder and louder.

"I can't believe you, he gets away with everything."

I'm not doing very well trying to control my children. Everyone is upset, voices are raised and yet again she stomps off and slams her door for the second time. Her crying is louder than before and Nicholas bangs on the wall.

This time he comes up the stairs.

"I only have one thing to say, you better stop slamming the god damn doors and banging on the fucking walls or you're all going to be sleeping in a motel room tonight."

"I didn't kick the door Dad." Nicholas told him. My son calls him Dad. He treats Nicholas rotten and still my son calls him Dad. I know Nicholas longs for a Father but he is NOT a good example of what a Father should be.

"You didn't slam the door?" he asked.

"No."

"Well I heard a door slammed twice now.

"It wasn't Nicholas that slammed the door." I said irritated. He shot me a look that could kill and raised his voice informing me not to start with him. I turned my back to him and walked away.

Things died down and later he came upstairs to ask me if I would set the alarm for 5 AM. I didn't want too so I encouraged him to use the alarm on his cell phone. He lowered his head.

"Yes, I'll set it for 5 AM." I said.

He walked back down the stairs shaking his head. I sat there for a moment going over what just happened in my mind, trying to understand why I would wake him up for his lovely Mediterranean Cruise when I'm not even going! Hell no I'm not going to set the alarm. Get your own dumb ass out of bed.

His kids raised such a fuss when they heard about the trip, especially his oldest daughter. She called me a moocher. He didn't even stick up for me and tells me all the time that I use him, so I decided one of kids could go with him on the cruise. I no longer wanted to go.

He was unhappy when 5 AM came and went the next morning. I attempted to sleep in the same room with him but his snoring was so loud I knew I wouldn't get any rest so I opted for the upstairs bedroom. He thanked me for waking him up at 5 AM and I said have a nice trip.

"I will."

He called me from the airport and then again from New York to tell me his oldest son was moving in over the weekend. Why can't I find a job?? I'm getting closer to that Walmart greeter job. We could move out and be on our own again and never have to look back. He told me he didn't feel right about the trip. My thoughts were about planes crashing or ships sinking. What a terrible person I am. If he didn't feel right about the trip then I would be with him things would be different between us and he would have set his children straight about me. He is my husband and shouldn't he be taking care of me?

It will be a quiet week and I am going to focus on my school. I got an A in my Math class and now finishing up my computer class. I hold dearly to school it keeps my sanity in tact. I'll go to Europe someday and when I do it will be exciting and all I dreamed it would be. How embarrassing it is when someone asks where your husband is and have to explain he is on 12-day cruise in the Mediterranean. They just look at me.

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