Thursday, October 18, 2012

Husband #2

My second husband was definitely a rebound relationship that should have never happened. He was the one thing in my life I had not conquered and I still felt the challenge when he came back into my life. How stupid we can be. I was thinking only of my needs and not what was best for me, especially my little girl.

He had a son living with him at the time that he knew nothing about until he got a phone call one day telling him to come and get his son before the man he was living with killed him. The kid had so many problems. My second husband didn't know the first thing about raising kids. He hated doctors and refused to get his son some help. I had a real problem with this. It never got any better the entire time we dated. He finally let the boy go see his mother in AZ, he never came back. Deep down I think my husband blamed me that the boy's mom wouldn't let him return. She wanted him to stay with her. I heard years later that the kid had trouble in school and with the police. It is sad but I do not feel guilty. I hope his mother helped him in some small way. 

I got pregnant while dating my second husband, something I wanted at the time. It sounds stupid I know, but I didn't think we would ever be together. I wanted something that would remind me of him. I never thought he would ask me to marry him. He went and bought this huge card and wrote in shaky letters, will you marry me. He didn't want to get married anymore than I did. But stupid me I had to get pregnant. I was never sorry I got pregnant, I wanted this baby from the moment of conception. I just wish I had used my head a little more and thought things through. I think I imagined me running off in the sunset with my two kids, living happily ever after. In the end it did turn out that way, but not with allot of trials along the way.

He got married when I was six months pregnant in front of a judge. Very romantic. We lived with mom in Magna until my husband told me he wanted to move to Oklahoma where his parents had recently moved. I said no and stayed behind while he went there and found work. He found a cute little gingerbread house to rent and like a good little with I moved there thinking life would work out. Only it didn't, it got worse. 

By now his girls from a previous marriage had come to live with us and I was their guardian angel. If I loved them like they were mine, everything would turn out fine. I didn't love them, I didn't know them, they were strangers living in my house. They were loud, unruly girls that had been physically abused by their mother and step father. It was sad and sick both. My husband's father came over to the house one Sunday and informed me I was reason those girls would get into the celestial kingdom, so I needed to do all I could to make sure of this. I wanted to burst out the door and run as far away as possible. I had never asked to take on this motherhood role to these girls. They needed more therapy than any love I could give them. Why didn't anyone see this but me. I tried to do my best but it was so hard when my husband would not even speak about his girls seeing a doctor. His girls got worse, they pushed Nicholas down all the time, then when he would cry they would tell me he tripped. When they would go to the park and play they would make Marie run around the park and tell her if she stopped running they would hit her with a stick they had in their hands. I did not find this out until later. Anger boiled inside me to think these girls could be so cruel. They were jealous of the relationship I had with my kids because they never had that with their mother. How sad their childhood was filled with little love. I wasn't helping any. It was so hard to be told to love these girls, be their mother, be this, be that. I was literally forced into loving them which made it even worse.

A few months after moving to Oklahoma, we left, my husband had deceived me, got me pregnant when I thought he was using a condom, he wasn't. I was four or five months pregnant. I took him to work one morning and never picked him up. The movers came early. We packed all day and drove out of town around four, maybe five at night. I was so worried he would find me. The movers took my car, we flew back to Utah the next morning. I never slept that night, I was sure my husband would find us and make me come back. I did not want to be married to him nor have anything to do with his family or girls. The environment we lived in was not healthy. My husband spent long hours away from home because he did not like to be around his girls. He told me they reminded him of his ex-wife whom he hated with a passion. So I would deal with them and all the drama. When he came home they would yell. It was this way every single night. I dreaded it. 

My husband's car broke down so he started taking mine. I was left with no car, no way to do anything. I was a prisoner in my own home. We had no TV, no phone, nothing to do. It was so humid in Oklahoma that you had to stay indoors. You have to have central air which we didn't, we only had a swamp cooler. It was miserable. We were poor, very poor. The money my husband made barely covered rent and utilities. Any money mom sent me I put towards clothes for Marie and Nicholas. I began to hate my husband when he told me he wanted to sell some of my things to get more money. I tried finding a job but I had to drive so far to get a decent job. The money I would have earned would have paid for the sitter, not much more. Wages were not good in this state. I hated Oklahoma.

I was calling my mother every chance I got, she was the one who helped me get out of my marriage. She paid for the plane tickets and the movers. When I stepped off the airplane in Salt Lake City a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I few months later I filed for divorce. Nine months later I moved out of my mother's home and into an apartment with my three children. We were on our own once again.