Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The Dating Game

When I was in high school, I dated a number of different boys. The most memorable times were the double dates with friends. We would pile into the car and drag main before heading off to the high school for the dance. The hours we girls spent doing our hair at each other's houses. It was all so fun back then.

After high school, I moved away from my small hick town to the big city. I loved the city AND all those boys. Dancing was my thing back then, I could do it all day, all night. Every weekend we would go dancing at the clubs. Dance clubs were big in the 80's, or at least they were where I lived because the community was mostly LDS. No one went to bars. I met so many guys but no one really ever asked me out. I later learned that guys were intimidated by my good looks. That only made me laugh because I never thought of myself as attractive. I entered so many beauty pageants because I felt ugly and wanted someone to tell me I was pretty. I finally started to win a few which helped boost my ego. Still at the age of 23 I was single while most of my high school friends were married. I married the first guy that asked because I did not want to be an old maid. Were were divorced seven years later.

It wasn't until I was in my thirties that I thought I was attractive. I was working out every day with weights and for the first time in my life I was toned and looked good. Still my phone was never ringing off the hook with men wanting to take me out. Perhaps my personality was lacking, but then I won Miss Congeniality so I must be friendly. Right?? So what was it about me? Why didn't I have a date every night of the week? While blondes have more fun, brunettes are taken more seriously. It was a dilemma for sure.

After my second marriage ended, I started seeing a therapist to help me understand better why I had the worst luck when it came to men. I found out a great deal about myself. The reason I chose these men were all related to a pattern created early in my life. It was up to me to change the pattern. For the next ten years I dated little, mostly focusing my time on raising my children in the gospel. I dated a little in this ten-year span, nothing serious though.

The online dating started to get big in the 90's so I joined one of popular sites. I emailed back and forth to men all the time. I went out with a few, but again nothing serious. I explained in a previous blog this is where I met my third husband. If anyone wants advice about online dating let me know. Even better let me just sum it up quickly for you. Don't!! You can say anything right? People do not know you from Adam, so they have no way of knowing if you are honest or not. That was the case with me. My third husband lied about everything. I realize that not all people are like this but I would love to meet one person that has lied about something on their profile when it comes to online dating.

So here I am almost 50, one child out on their own, another one wanting to leave and me single. I do not mind being alone at all. I love being single. More than anything I want to understand why I did not or cannot find someone in my life. I have come to accept the fact that I am suppose to single so do not fight it. I would rather be single than miserably married. It would be nice to just go out with a large group of people that were all single, wanted to stay single but enjoy each others company. I have a hard time making friends outside of work that want to get together regularly because most people I know are married.

The other day I went on an interview for a part-time job. The owner forgot all about the interview, in fact they had already hired someone two weeks ago! The office manager was kind enough to chat with me anyway. I explained right from the beginning what my available hours were and it was clear that this was not going well. I was ready to tell her thank you anyway and leave when she said to me, "I am sorry we do not have anything will work for you but are you interested in being set up?" The look that came across my face was probably priceless (you would have to know me to understand that remark, I do not have to say much you can tell what I am thinking by the look on my face). I told her I have never been asked that before and not sure how to even answer. She was very sincere, then explained how most of their friends were no longer married and she hung out with her husband and all these men.  We chatted for a minutes, I told her I was very happy single, I had gotten divorced only three years ago so I was not looking to date or become involved with anyone. She told me twice in our conversation that I was gorgeous. This coming from a younger woman, but not too much younger was nice considering the big 5 - 0 is now less than a year away. I will gladly take a compliment from anyone.

Her phone rang, which was my opportunity to run for the door. I waited, thanked her again for the interview then said "you can call me for the other, but casual, nothing serious." I left thinking what do I have to lose. Maybe this time my phone will start ringing off the hook.