Sunday, December 23, 2012

A Letter Home: The First

I am reading an amazing book right now called Following Atticus. If anyone out there has read it you will understand why I give the book such high ratings. It is not only about a little dog hiking the 4000 footers in New Hampshire but his loyal friend Tom Ryan, whom I have grown to respect. Tom owned and ran a local newspaper. When I say ran, I mean it was a one-man operation; Tom did all the reporting and writing himself. A popular column in the newspaper were the letters he wrote to his father. What started out as a bi-weekly therapy session turned into the most popular column in his paper. I had no problem relating to Tom and his father's relationship because I am not close to my father. In fact, we have spoken less than ten words since the early 80's, that's thirty years. I didn't think it had been that long. I got to thinking maybe his therapy would help me. After all these years I still hold bitter feelings in my heart. I thought I had let them go, forgiven my father for what he did but honestly, I have not. I'm hoping this will help/heal me so I can release those toxic feelings towards him. I want to be at peace.

This is my first letter home.

Hello Dad,

It has been so many years since we spoke I hope this letter finds you feeling well. The years seem to have flown by haven't they, I can't believe I will be 50 next year. I had such fun last year when Gayle turned 50. It was the best teasing her, now she'll get to tease me this next year. I remember when I turned 30, I cried. I thought 30 was so old, what was I thinking? My kids are getting so grown up; Marie my oldest is 22, Nicholas is 18 and my youngest Maygan is 16. It seems like just yesterday they were still little running all over the place. I actually miss those days. Do you remember when we were little girls? I recall all those car trips we took, especially the one's with Uncle Brent and Aunt Donna. I was the worst to take on road trips I know. I'm not sure I've gotten better, as long as I don't sit in the back seat I don't sick. There is something about the back seat that makes me car sick. Now that I am older I don't do well on amusement park rides either, I get an upset stomach every time. I've gotten wimpy in my older years. Age has a way of creeping up on us doesn't it.

When I was in my early 20's I was working for Grand Central, it was sold years later to Fred Meyer, then Smith's Food and Drug. Back then you had to put a sticker on every item telling people the price of each item. I lifted a box that was too heavy and paid for it dearly the next day. I have never felt that kind of pain before. Come to find out I bruised my lower lumbar, even worse it's never been the same. When I was pregnant I carried all my babies low and deep inside so you couldn't tell I was very pregnant. This just added to my back pain, over the years I've had to baby it. Now that I am older arthritis is settling in the doctor tells me. If I do my yoga it seems to be just fine but I don't always do yoga so I feel it more days than not. Yoga is wonderful for range of motion and I need that. Most people do not understand what yoga is or the benefit so they disregard it. I am here to testify that it works. I think everyone should do it no matter their age. I know you would love it. Maybe one day.

Aside from my achy back, I have a thyroid issue. I have an overactive thyroid which means it releases too much of the hormone it creates into my body. I found I had a thyroid issue because my hair wouldn't stop falling out. You know girls and their hair. I'm fine now, I take a pill every day to help balance my hormone levels, that's about it. I get it checked every so often to make sure I'm still where I should be. I haven't really had many issues with it. I believe Jeanne has the same thyroid issue but Gayle told me she has no problems. Gayle told me she is dealing with other health issues. It seems we're all dealing with something. Gayle told me you have had prostate cancer for years. I was not aware, I'm sorry to hear that. You should consider coming to the Huntsman Cancer Institute. It's one of the best, we have people come from all over. I recently transfered from working at the University of Utah Hospital to Huntsman. I am very excited about the change. This is a great opportunity for me to learn and grow within the company.

I'll write again in a few weeks. Take care and have a happy holiday.

Audrey

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