Sunday, January 13, 2013

A Letter Home - 1/13/2013

Every two weeks or so I decided I would write a letter to my estranged father. This therapy as I have chosen to call it is suppose help me forgive my father. I am trying to move on from my past (thirty years later) in spite of the bitter feelings I still have. Perhaps one day I will actually send these letters I post online to my father. Time will tell.

Dear Dad,

I hope your holiday season was filled with all the warm memories Christmas brings and new memories to share in the future. We had a lovely holiday. I did not take off any time from work this year because I work the weekends and Christmas was during the week. Mom invited me and my kids over for Christmas dinner. We actually loaded up our gifts, took everything over to her place and opened presents there. Afterwards we ate a big turkey dinner. It was a nice, relaxing day.

When I was little I remember playing outside in the snow till our feet were numb, then we would come inside and listen to Alvin and the Chipmunks over and over again. Christmas morning was always the best because we would have Christmas at our house and then Christmas again at the hotel. We kids were spoiled by Aunt Bess and Grandma not just at Christmas time, but all year long. 

I have tried to create family traditions at Christmas time with my kids to help make this time of year more meaningful. I didn't want them growing up thinking Christmas was all about getting toys. One year the kids weren't very good so I told them Santa's toys would stay under the tree until they earned those toys. Instead Christmas morning we went to a Catholic church and made sandwiches for the homeless. We stayed there until noon, then went home and ate Christmas dinner. It was a real eye opener for my kids to see what it's like not to have presents. It took them several weeks to earn their Christmas but they were very humble when it was said and done. 

Raising three kids on my own has been a real challenge for me dad. There are days that I think I did okay and others day I shake my head and ask how did I let this happen. What did I do wrong? It's usually then that I realize it's not always me. My kids are older now, so they have minds of their own with lots to say about everything. It does not matter if they are right or wrong they still have lots to say. Sometimes I think I like them better when they were little and not so opinionated. Along with that opinion comes attitude. It can be the worst. I don't ever remember us girls being so moody but my girls sure are. If I could invent anything it would be a happy pill for teenage girls. One minute they are happy and the next crying. I don't ever recall being like this but perhaps I was. 

My oldest daughter Marie lives in her own apartment. The other two, Nicholas and Maygan are still at home with me. My youngest is my challenge right now. She is head strong like her mother. We are struggling to see eye-to-eye on several matters. I'm hoping as she matures our relationship will improve. 

I recently got a job promotion at the hospital where I work. Last week was my first week in my new position. It was a tough week, I'm hoping this week will be better. New jobs are always hard in the beginning because you have so much to learn. They say it takes at least six months to get down a new job. Right now I'm wishing I could jump forward in time six months so I could have it behind me. This is not a good time right now. The next time I write I hope to have a better attitude.

I hope my letter finds you well and in good spirits. Take care, I will write again soon.

Your daughter,