Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Moving Up

The first part of January I started a new job with the same company just in a different department. The thrill of this opportunity after applying to job after job was almost more than I could stand. I was ready to learn, take on more and stretch my brain cells. Off I went with high expectations. I was ready.

My trainer had been in the position I was hired for about a year and a half. She was being promoted. She, was my trainer. A very tall dirty-blond haired gal from the mid-west. She told me she had moved to Utah four years ago. The first week I sat next to her watching her do what I would eventually do. I hated every minute of it. I took extensive notes, none of which made any sense. She bounced all over the place while I struggled to make heads or tails of her training process. It was an instant nightmare. The third day we were together she snapped at me. I asked her something which happened to be exactly what she had just said only I re-worded what it so I could understand better. She did not like that. On the fifth day, there was so much tension in the air I seriously considered walking down the hill to where my old department was. I no longer wanted to be there.

I paced around in the break room contemplating what to do. Do I suck it up? Keep my mouth shut? Do I say something to my manager only to be known as a tattle-tale? Or do I approach her? I went back into my office and told her we needed to talk. I explained if I was going to be successful at my job I needed her help. She cannot get upset at me if I ask about something more than once- I'm learning! She said she was getting frustrated because I would repeat things she had just explained. I said "Well I haven't been doing this job for over a year, so I'm going to ask more than once until it's second nature." The air was clear once again.

The next week started out great but was short lived. This week I sat in the hot seat. You would think this would be better, but now I was on the spot. I had to literally scramble to remember everything she told me and apply it correctly. It was impossible. If I did something wrong she would tell me right away, there was little praise. I have never tired so hard in my entire work career as I was in this job. She was short-tempered with me, snapped at me every few words and finally came out and told me she was frustrated with me. I was done.

I went into my managers office and told her we needed to talk. The very next day I sat with my manager in a conference room discussing my job duties. I thought this was beneficial, now I could see where I needed to focus more attention. She was busy taking notes as we discussed how my training was going. As the meeting progressed her note taking appeared to more of a list of things I "still" did not understand, meaning I wasn't performing up to snuff. She actually told me "We thought you'd be farther along by now." Might I remind you I had only been there for two weeks. I still didn't have access to all the programs I needed to perform my job completely. None the less, it did not matter to her. I was appalled! Now it was me that was frustrated. The days were long and grueling as I forced my brain to comprehend what she was telling me. I stopped rewording her explanations just made notes. At the end of the day I would rewrite my notes so I could understand them better. Anything I didn't get I would go over with a co-worker. She was my salvation even though I was strictly told not to ask her questions. I did anyway. We became instant friends.

She told me her training was similar, meaning she had little. She had been in the department for six months. I felt awful for her. Why would anyone stay? I had been there a mere two weeks and I was ready to quit. As the days progressed, I got somewhat better. There were good days and bad days. I longed for my 30 days to end. I was constantly reminded how I had gotten more training than anyone else eluding to the fact I was slow. The degrading remarks never ended. In the 30 days with her my self-esteem plummeted. I began to doubt myself. I pushed myself harder and harder to understand her methods only to have her find one mistake after another. It became increasingly hard to get up in the morning until I could take no more. That's when I called my previous manager to ask if I could come back.

I spoke with her in great lengths trying to understand what I had done wrong. I was not a quitter! I wanted this job. I wanted to make it work. She gave me some good advice, then told me to hang in there. Come to find out this very thing I was experiencing happened to my other manager. Apparently, it never got better. I was warned not to let things go too far or else I would be written up. I wasn't about to let my record get tainted. I pushed through to the end telling myself it would end soon. My new manager started to come in when my trainer left for the day. She questioned everything I was doing. When I explained this was how I was taught she only shook her head, then proceeded to show me how she wanted me to do things. Now I was forced to learn more than one way of doing things. It was time to make a decision. Do I stay or go? I was no longer happy. My weekends were never fun. I only dreaded what came at the end of my measly two days off. I decided to speak with my previous manager regarding the idea of moving back. They put things in motion for me to make the transition. I have never been happier. I am extremely sad this happened. I believe my intentions were of the best; wanting to grow within the company. My choice of department was not the best.

Once I formally received an offer to move back to my old department I gave my two-week notice. My manager asked me "What was up?" I merely said "It's not a good fit." She asked me how she could better word the job description so applicants would have a clearer understanding what the job encompassed. I offered suggestions but she only countered with a subtle remark of how others had the same training as I. Again I felt like something was wrong with me. I said nothing more. I told her when my last day was and left her office.

I never thought I would be going back to my old department. I'm grateful for fair managers, co-workers I can call friends and the satisfaction I get from helping patients. IF I decide to start looking for a another job again I think this time I will be the one running the interview.