Sunday, April 21, 2013

A Letter Home - 4/21/2013

Every few weeks I write a letter to my father. I never actually send these letter to him, they are more for me. It's my therapy, my way of forgiving my father and through these letters I am slowly healing. It has been the hardest writing assignment of all forcing myself to write not just a happy letter but a letter in general when I would rather lash out on paper. Still it has helped me find compassion, patience, even understanding towards a man I hated for years.

I few months ago I sent him a "thinking about you" card. It took me forever to find the right card, let alone the right words. A few weeks ago my older sister sent me a text telling me she had heard about the card I sent. She told me he was going to respond to the card. I stared at her words for several minutes. I was definitely shocked, not quite sure if I wanted him to respond but since I have not received anything in the mail I'm not surprised. I think the thought of him wanting to respond was a nice thought. I won't hold my breath, it's been thirty years since we have spoken.

Dear Dad,

I finally decided to put my thought down on paper. I signed up for memoir class that just ended last Wednesday. We were taught how to organize our childhood memories. We were also given exercises to help us remember other memories we may have forgotten. It has been so much fun. Our teacher explained that these stories are a record of our lives to pass on to our children to read then pass on to their children. I remember Jeanne always loved doing genealogy but I never was interested. This is about as close to any type of genealogy I'll ever be doing.

Early on in our class the teacher gave us an assignment to create a time line of our lives. I think that has been the hardest part for me. There are so many years to go through it's a bit overwhelming. I am making progress but it's slow going. I would love to read stories from your childhood dad. I know I would enjoy it as much as my children. The stories bring to life on paper who you are. It's been so rewarding for me. I did not think the class would have much to offer, but it has proven worthy of my time. I have some of the best memories of us camping with Uncle Brent and Aunt Donna. I have taken my children on several camping trips. I think our favorite was Yellow Stone. We stayed four days in one of the cabins. We hiked all over, saw a black bear, bison, coyote, elk and even a moose with a baby. One of the days we took a boat ride out on the lake so the kids could fish. It was a great trip.

I must admit I'm not much into camping these days. We went so much when I was little and I took my kids so much that I think I'm all camped out. I do enjoy hiking though. I find it great exercise and peaceful at the same time. The kids hike with me from time to time or I take my dog. My kids have grown up so fast, now they have their own interests. They sure didn't stay little long enough for me. My two youngest just had birthdays. My oldest birthday is next month, she was actually born on Mother's Day.

I hope this letter finds you well Dad. I'll write again in a few weeks.

Take care,